Will I Ever Feel Alive and Well?

I battle depression. I am trying to hit back.

I can see dawn breaking through my window. The world is getting ready to start a brand new day. I, on the other hand, have just been through a sleepless night. My pillow is wet with tears shed. My head hurts, my eyes are puffy and I am exhausted. I have not stopped crying. This heavy feeling in my chest will not go away. I have been sad for about three weeks now. I have no inclination to eat. I cannot go to work and I definitely do not want to meet people. I just want to stay in bed, crouched in a foetal position under the covers. I know my family is worried about me. I haven’t left my room for a while now. I stopped going to the gym, calling or meeting friends and I am on the verge of losing my job. But what can I do? I feel helpless and worthless. I am convinced that the people around me do not think much of me and neither do I. My family keeps pushing me to seek help but I do not want to do that either. What for? Who can help me? It’s a vicious circle and I am caught right in the middle of it. Meanwhile I try to put myself to sleep, before the thoughts flood my mind. Before the sadness oppresses my chest. Before I start crying for the umpteenth time.

People suffering from depression are not lazy or capricious. Depression is debilitating and it does not allow the person to do anything apart from isolating him or herself from the rest of his circle of family and friends. They cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Reaching out for help is very difficult for them because they feel so helpless and worthless that they choose to bury themselves in their beds and let life pass by. The more depressed the person becomes the more he or she might start to think about death because the hole they feel inside is so big they feel nothing can take them out of their situation. This is usually the time when the family takes over and seek help for their loved one. There are several ways where help can be sought. A GP can be the first contact. He or she usually refers to a psychiatrist for a further assessment and to a therapist for further support. Unfortunately, therapy only works if the client suffering from depression is willing to receive help and actively participates in the journey of recovery. There is no age or time when depression can hit. It can creep up unexpectedly and it takes willpower to fight it. Realizing that one needs help is the first step towards recovery. Medication might be prescribed and that doesn’t mean that he or she will be hooked on them for the rest of his or her life. It can just be periodical and if not, there is no shame in taking medication for mental health. Just like we’re not ashamed of taking an aspirin for a headache. Lifestyle changes may be suggested in order to move on towards a better and healthier future. More often than not the family will also need to attend therapy in order to learn how to cope with this reality.

Sometimes I meet families who are exhausted and are also engulfed in a sense of helplessness. I can truly empathize with them because it is what depression does. It does not only effect the person suffering from it but also whoever is around them. The whole family needs to be strong and focused and never lose hope. Finally, to the person suffering from depression, wipe your tears, get out of bed and step into the sunlight. It’s hard but I know that deep down there is a hidden strength that only you can retrieve. Look around you and take in all the beauty there is. If you can’t appreciate it as yet, you will. Make a mental note of it and believe that someday you can be free. You can smile and breathe and move on.