Till Death Do Us Part

Yet again, a couple of weeks ago Malta woke up to another nightmare, another femicide. A young mother of two was stabbed to death because she wanted to break free from being captivated. She is one in a long list of women who were killed by their husbands, partners or sons just because they realized that they were in danger and that they can't keep living in hell on earth. And I ask myself, how many more victims do we need before we do something about it? How many more women need to lose their lives before they are taken seriously? These women live in fear. They are scared for their lives and their children's lives. They feel helpless because they know that if they speak up or take action, they and their loved ones are going to end up grievously wounded or worse dead. This outcome proves that they are right to be scared for their lives. These people are rendered helpless by their partners because they can never foresee what their partner will do if they are caught trying to flee. It is not easy for them to get away because they are always scared that they are going to be found and beaten or killed.

In my line of work I have met several women mostly, who were living through this nightmare. They are scared, worried and traumatized. I have also met children and teenagers who are coming from a background of domestic violence. The effect left on the children is indescribable. I have worked with children who do not want to come to school because they are worried that if they leave their abused parent behind, something will happen to them in their absence and they wouldn't be able to protect them. The anxiety experienced by these children is tangible. The fear is real. They feel responsible in protecting their parent. Once, a young girl told me that she is scared to leave her mother alone with her father. She fears she won't see her alive. My heart breaks for these children? Why do we need to parentify these children? Why do we have to load them with these fears and responsibilities? These children should be running free at the park or having fun with their friends, not worrying about the safety of their parents. These situations teach me a lot. They make me see the world from different perspectives. They make me become a better version of myself, not only as a counsellor, but also as a person and a parent, for their sake.

It is not easy to deal with this level of anxiety in therapy but I strive to help them see that they are not alone and that they have someone who they can trust. I can never understand the extensive pain they are going through. I have never experienced this situation. Yet I can help them manage their anxiety, channel it in the right place and maybe handle it better. I strongly believe that it is about time that reports regarding domestic violence should be taken seriously. People's lives are at risk and each and every time things seem to be forgotten until a tragedy occurs. Then we realize once again that the matter is deadly serious and something has to be done about it. The two little girls who have just lost their mother and all the other victims, will never forget this experience. This horrible trauma will surely impact the rest of their lives. They will carry this enormous pain throughout their lives and coming to terms with this reality will take time. Let's prevent others from going through such a horrible trauma.

As a country, let's help these victims voice their fear by making them feel safe to reach out. Let's help them realise that they are not alone and that something can be done for them. Most probably such a tragic situation will make these victims believe that it is better to stay in a violent relationship because chances are they will be harmed. Why do these people need to live in this fear and this pain? We are all for freedom of violence. We are all for helping these abused men or women break free and start a new life yet they need to feel safe in speaking up. They need to feel supported and protected and unfortunately we are still in a situation where this is not happening. People still live in fear because for them it's better like this rather than be killed. Let's stand together and be counted. Let's provide safety for those whose life is a living hell.