Valentine Thorns

It's St. Valentine's weekend and love is all around. Red dominates the stores and the streets and everywhere you look it's all about hearts, flowers and balloons. It is nice to celebrate love. It reminds us why we love the people around us and the things we are ready to do for them. But what exactly does love look like? What shape do you give love? I believe most people daydream of being swept off their feet, of being proposed to in the most romantic way possible, of being loved and cared for forever. Yet, life sometimes proves differently. Unfortunately we realize that whilst true love does exist, it can disappoint, it can hurt and sometimes it is not unconditional. Love has thorns that when they sting they hurt really bad. Love comes in different forms and sizes. True romantics believe that being in love means always being on cloud nine. It is very hard to accept the fact that eventually people may fall out of cloud nine. It doesn't mean they are not in love anymore, it means that their love has grown and changed.

In my line of work I meet many couples who resort to therapy because they realise that they are not on cloud nine anymore. They keep chasing that feeling and magic they had experienced at the very beginning of their relationship. It takes them a while to realize that love grows and changes. There are those who unfortunately fall out of love. There are others who stay in a relationship because they have been together for a long time and they do not imagine starting over with someone else. Some clients tell me that they love their partner very much, but the love they feel now is more fraternal. They feel that they are living with their best friend and would never dream of hurting them by abandoning them. The latter results in a lot of guilt feelings because on one end they need something more than what the relationship is offering and on the other hand they cannot let go of the person they have been with for so long.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is one of the hardest things to do. This is because love is continuously challenged and if not well rooted it can easily be shaken or broken. Some are terrified of falling in love, of trusting someone with their most vulnerable aspect of themselves. They are obviously not to blame because when thinking about it, it is scary. Trusting your most vulnerable self in the hands of someone else takes a lot of courage because one can easily be hurt or manipulated. It takes a lot to trust and love someone blindly especially when someone has been bitten before. Yet we keep doing it. We keep believing in this magic and we keep hoping that the best is yet to come. We love people in different ways but ultimately it is the same feeling that binds us together and that gives us a motive to be a better version of ourselves.

Today I would like to send lots of love to those who are alone. May you feel the love that the people around you shower you with in spite of what you are going through. Showers of love goes to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. May you be able to love yourself the way you loved the person you are grieving for. My well wishes also go to my clients. In spite of your hardships always remember that I will be with you every step of the way until you grow your own wings to fly. May we always feel loved and cared for no matter where we are. Let's also remember to spread the love wherever we go because love is the core of our humanity.