Mama I Don't Want to Leave You - Dealing with Separation Anxiety on Going Back To School.

I will give you wings to fly but I will catch you when you fall

For most, summer is a magical time. We somehow feel freer, less bound by routine and therefore experience less of the feeling of anxiety and stress. Kids are more around and we are bound to go out more and engage in varied activities. Unfortunately, everything comes to an end and before we know it, starting school is already around the corner. A new scholastic year may be an exciting new venture on a yearly basis for some parents and kids, but it may be a total nightmare for others. And I do not blame them. It is such a huge step leaving those we love so much behind in order to go spend more time away from them. This event is experienced differently by both parents and children. What cannot be denied is that it is a step into the unknown and this change can create a lot of anxiety not only in our little ones but also in ourselves. Seeing them go is not easy. Not being able to protect them the whole time is a heartbreaker and it seems that they are literally escaping from our grasp. A close friend of mine once told me that it seems like sand is running through our fingers and oh it’s so true.

Having little ones starting school for the first time is very exciting but also nerve wrecking. We have a million questions. Is my little one too little to face this new ‘independant’ world this early? Will they be ok? Who will comfort them when they cry? Do they know that I love them and will pick them up when school is up? Will they be picked on? Our mind never stops asking questions and in order to regain some peace of mind we keep reassuring ourselves that this is a step that each child has to take and even though we are not going to be physically present during the time they are at school, we are a phone call away if anything does happen. For non first timers, starting school may also be a challenging experience especially if it was not a positive one in the previous years. Stepping out from the safety net of their guardians is frightening and they might feel lost and vulnerable. They will be facing the prospect of changing teachers and new children in their class. Some might also be changing school thus being totally faced with a whole new environment and school culture, and friends! Not all children experience change in the same way. Some are very open to it while others find it extremely troubling. And there is nothing wrong with the latter ones. They just need a little more reassuring and lots of love.

Being faced with separation anxiety is not easy and it might trigger feelings of helplessness in parents. It might leave them insecure and not being able to trust that what they are doing is for their child’s very best. Children experience separation anxiety in many ways. Some cry a lot, others complain of a headache or tummy ache constantly. Some complain of an upset stomach or even purge on the idea of leaving home for school at the end of summer.Sleepless nights and nightmares may also be experienced. Children actually feel these symptoms and they are not inventing them. So we need to listen and believe what they are telling us and do something about it.

The question is what can we do? How do we make it easier for them? The following are small tips that one can exercise with their child if experiencing separation anxiety.

Reassure them constantly. Tell them that school is going to be fun and that they are going to make new friends. Tell your child that you will think of them all the time and that you love them unconditionally. Tell them that you will always be there after school finishes to pick them up and if anything happens to them during the day you will be there too.

Read them stories about going back to school and role play this new and exciting venture they are bound to start.

Talk to them about their new teacher and new friends and the great fun they are going to experience.

Show them the school beforehand by driving past it a couple of times before actually going. If you have a school tour and they are allowed to attend, make it a point to take them with you.

Involve them in buying the school bag, uniform and stationery. This will help them own the idea of going back to school.

Try and organize play dates if you know who their classmates are going to be. It helps the child feel comfortable seeing familiar faces on their first day at school.

Write them little notes in their lunchboxes with I Love You notes so that they can feel your presence when you are away from them.

Draw a little red heart on the palm of their hand before leaving for school. Tell them to look at it when they are feeling homesick and remember that you love them very much and are missing them too.

If they are a little older, teach them how to breathe through their nose and out of their mouth to calm themselves down when feeling agitated. Teach them to tell themselves over and over that everything is going to be ok.

It might take a while for the child to settle in so it is important to get to know the schools' psychosocial team in order to find the right support for you and your child through this difficult transition.

Dear parents and guardians, do not give up. Although it is hard to see our children going through such a painful experience, hang in there and walk your child through it with a gentle smile on your face, even though your heart might be breaking. Acknowledge their physical and emotional pain. Never doubt them and if needs be, seek medical help. This is one of the pains some have to go through in the process of letting go. Always remember that we are there to give them wings to fly and this is just our first step in letting them go. Take deep breaths and tell yourself that your little ones are in good hands and that they will be just fine and before you know it they will be back in your arms when school is over. If you are also struggling with separation anxiety don’t be scared to seek professional help. Remember that most of the time our kids will mirror our very own feelings. Remember that you are doing great. It’s tough being a parent but we can do it. I truly wish you all luck. May you all have an awesome scholastic year.