Loneliness at Christmas

A silent night I know it's gonna be.

It has started again. The excitement, the hustle and bustle, the loud joyful music, the frenzied shopping sprees … the craziness that accompanies Christmas on a yearly basis. It looks like every year all of the above start happening even earlier than the previous year. I look out of the window and I wish to be part of this whirlwind. I wish I am able to join the craziness, to sit even with total strangers in front of a hearty fire drinking mulled wine and sharing experiences and laughter with those who care to listen. I wish I am able to visit family and friends and laugh about random jokes over a warm home cooked meal. Every year I hope that all this will come true for me and I eagerly wait for this time of year.

But not this year … once again I find myself alone, sitting in the darkness of my house while the lights twinkle outside. My heart cries but no tears roll down my cheeks. I am accustomed to this disappointment. I try to connect with my very own feelings of happiness but I come out blank. The feeling of loneliness is eating away my insides. I look around me and all I see is pitch dark. I haven't even had the energy to put up my Christmas tree this year. What is the point of faking this happiness and elation when I literally feel dead inside? I wreck myself trying to think of someone who I can call or visit. But everyone seems to be so engrossed in their own life, it seems that there is no space for me. I feel forgotten and I feel left out and the funny thing is I am still alive! How can this be? How did I get to this point?

I try to go out maybe I will meet someone who can chat with me for half an hour but I find myself wandering aimlessly like a lost soul not knowing where to go and what to do. It feels so unfair that while everyone is so engrossed in this elation I am here licking my wounds, feeling very helpless and empty. I promise myself each year that the next will be different but nothing changes for me. Every day is a repetition of the one before it and I am caught in this vicious cycle without the possibility of breaking free, of feeling alive and breathing fresh air.

Christmas time is euphoric for a lot of people but not everyone is lucky enough to feel this euphoria. It is the worst time of the year for those who are alone and feel lonely. It is a time that accentuates this loneliness due to its nature. Christmas highlights the feeling of unity, family gatherings and cheer. Yet, it also highlights loneliness for those who are alone, without family or friends. It highlights heartbreak for those who are in pain or grieving. Maybe we don't think about these people during Christmas time because as said above, everyone is extremely engrossed in buying presents and acting festive. While many families are gathered around tables over Christmas lunch, there are many individuals who are sitting quietly on their sofa on their own mourning the absence of their loved ones. They keep fantasizing what it would feel like for them if they had children visiting, if they had nieces or nephews or spouses. And the dark black hole within feels even darker and deeper for them and there isn't much they can do about it.

Maybe, just maybe we can help. What if each community takes the initiative of organising an event for people who are going through loneliness? A lot of people donate so many things during the Christmas period. It would be nice if some donations go towards such a cause. My wish is that each and everyone of us tries their utmost to contact someone suffering from loneliness and help them feel less so. There are several ways this can happen. Even through a simple phone call or by sending a greeting card. Nobody knows if or when we are going to find ourselves in such a situation. Mother Teresa once said that 'loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty in the world'. So maybe if each and everyone of us is slightly more thoughtful and empathic, we can reduce such poverty and light up someone's darkness with a simple smile, thought and gesture.

I wish you all a blessed and Merry Christmas to you and your families. May love and Christmas cheer always light up your hearts and your lives wherever you may be.