It's an Eating Disorder! So don't tell me to cut the crap and eat!

It is very hard to understand what an eating disorder feels like or how it develops. If you have never experienced it, it is extremely hard to decipher its complexity and the psychological distortions behind it. It is painful. It is frustrating and it is draining. Developing an eating disorder is a very slow process and those that today are going through it or are recovering or recovered, they can't understand how they have gotten to this point. How could they have progressed so rapidly yet so unknowingly from a healthy person leading a normal lifestyle to one who is constantly thinking about what to eat… or rather what not to eat. They all tell me that they have seen documentaries about the development of eating disorders and at some point they all could not understand how someone can do that to oneself. And yet here they are, struggling with a demon that is relentless, cold hearted and merciless.

Having an eating disorder is not just being painfully thin. It's about the thought processes where food is concerned. It's about the fear of eating certain foods because it is labelled and considered as being 'bad foods'. One can have a normal weight and still be considered to be a sufferer of an eating disorder. There is present and constant battle and fear of putting on weight which might result in the restriction of food or compensation through exercise. There might be rapid weight loss in a short period of time and a distorted body image which might serve as the goal to lose more weight. It's extremely complex and the mind never stops thinking about counting calories and the number on the scale. They starve themselves sometimes and feel happy when they manage to go to sleep hungry because they have managed to control their urge to eat. They eventually forget what hunger feels like and they get accustomed to feeling cold all the time and having blackouts. They become anxious about food and they stop eating around others because they do not want to be judged on the amount of food they are eating. Having an eating disorder is a huge secret as well. It feels shameful for those going through it and so they try to hide and isolate themselves from others while they battle their thoughts, their pangs of hunger and their will of not giving in to eating food.

And the voice! Let's not forget the relentless critical voice that keeps hounding people going through an eating disorder! The voice telling them that they are not good enough, that they are not beautiful and need to look thinner and weigh less. Shutting down this voice during illness is an impossible feat. It takes over the mind completely and distorts the thought processes that make the person feel guilty and fat even if they drink a glass of water. It leaves the person feel helpless, exhausted and with no will to get better. They convince themselves that there is nothing worth living about them and it is ok to keep punishing themselves through starvation. Working through an eating disorder is no piece of cake. Recovery is hard because one needs to undo all distorted thought processes, challenge the voice and re learn how to feel hungry and how to eat.

Eating disorders do not just pertain to young girls. Anyone can be diagnosed with an eating disorder. It affects children, young people, older people, males, females … anyone. Working in schools I have gotten an insight of what young people think about body image and what I have seen is shocking and worrying. The number of people diagnosed with an eating disorder is on the increase. One of the deadliest disorders is becoming more prominent and it is scary. So please, if you are going through this or if you know someone who is, reach out. Getting help is important because lives may be at stake. Allow a professional to accompany you through recovery because it will be hard but not impossible. Nothing is impossible when it is accompanied by persevered and strong will to get better.