Am I Suddenly Going Mad? Dealing with Postnatal Depression.

Baby blues or something more?

Most people dream of becoming parents and the decision to have a baby is no easy feat. It is usually accompanied by high levels of excitement, anxiety, fears and self doubt. Once that blessed pregnancy test marks positive we cannot help but dream of this romanticized picture of perfect parent and baby time once the baby is born. Reality hits as soon as this tiny human is placed into our arms. Boy do they cry! What am I supposed to do? Is the baby hungry? Is something wrong? Does this baby ever stop crying? Is the baby in pain? Who knows! Oh well! Welcome to the world of parenting.

Having a child is one of the biggest challenges individuals face. It is definitely not easy taking care of someone who does not verbally communicate aside from shrieking at the top of his or her lungs, a shriek that drives you insane. This challenge becomes even more difficult for those mothers or fathers who go through postnatal depression. Yes, it affects both parents and whoever is going through it needs a lot of support. This mental state does not simply go away, the parent does not simply snap out of it. Postnatal depression needs to be taken care of in a professional way.

Postnatal depression is very common. It does not mean you are not a good parent if you are going through it. It means you are human. Baby blues are are also very common but this usually subsides after around two weeks of having a baby. Postnatal depression lasts beyond the two weeks and things start to feel worse. I have worked with parents who describe their post natal depression as a storm creeping in suddenly upon them. They have reported that they were feeling tearful and down all the time and they lost all pleasure of doing what they were interested in. Those who were first time parents stressed the fear they had of going out with their baby. What if something happened to the baby and I couldn't prevent it, they said? What if the baby starts crying and is not able to stop despite my efforts? Others would judge, they must think I’m a terrible parent, they assumed.

These parents felt they were expected to perform. They felt they were expected to feel fulfilled by having a child even though they were missing their jobs or their independence, or whatever it was hat kept them fulfilled previously. They could not understand how they felt no joy when looking down at their baby. They could not accept that they were once so career oriented and all of a sudden all they do is spend their days in pyjamas feeding their baby, changing nappies and regurgitated milk. Sleepless nights, lack of time to eat and have a shower did not make the situation any better. They just wanted to be alone. And how did all this make them feel? Oh so guilty! Guilty that they were not doing enough for their baby. Guilty because their partner came home in the evening and nothing was done. Guilty of not reaching those high expectations that were set by themselves or by others.

Dear parents, give yourself some slack and pat yourself on the back because being a parent is not a walk in the park. If you have been feeling as described above for some time please seek help. Post natal depression happens and nothing you did made it happen. There are many professionals who can help you out and there is medication you can take if needs be. Inject yourself with a little self confidence, pick up your bundle of joy and go out, even for a stroll. Taking time for yourself to do some things you like is not egoistic but essential, even if it’s a coffee around the corner. Set some personal goals for yourself and work towards achieving them in your own time. It’s ok for the children to be looked after by a relative for some time so you can have some ‘you time’. You are not abandoning your baby. And don’t worry! You love your baby to the moon and back and your baby knows that. This baby will grow up in the loving arms of his or her parents and the credit to that serenity goes to you. Remember that to the world you are a parent but to your baby you are the world, but in order to care for your baby, you need to care for yourself.